I like to keep my blog fairly positive and light, but sometimes, I just want to be real.
And right now, things feel very, very REAL. When a lot of things in my life change, I welcome the new challenges but I also get unsettled and VERY anxious. I notice my chest and throat feel tight, my mouth is dry, my breathing is very shallow and quick. Essentially, I feel like everything is just TOO. MUCH.
An incredible opportunity has come up at University which for the past two years, I have turned down through my anxiety. So this year, I decided, with encouragement from Hanna to at least apply for it. However, this has naturally opened up a can of emotional worms. AN 11+ hour flight, plus staying away from home and eating away from home = one terrified Emma.
The opportunity is an unreal trip with the Uni to Mauritius.. yup, bloody Mauritius – how insanely cool?! You only have to pay a small amount towards it, everything is sorted by the uni, flights, accommodation, excursions – the lot! We get to meet other students, visit a uni there, have language classes etc – for many its the DREAM. And aside from my anxiety piping up, its MY dream! To travel to a new country, meet new people, see beautiful beaches and plants etc – IMAGINE THE BLOG PHOTOS. But it’s just SO. DAMN. SCARY. I get so homesick to the point where I am paralysed until I get home. It’s a big one..
I also decided that I needed to leave my lovely job in order to complete the final unit of my masters and so that is another big change, leaving uncertainties; both monetary and career wise.
I have also realised that I am half way through my degree which is terrifying.
While things can only get better with change, it scares the HELL out of me. This is very annoying for someone with anxiety as these future changes (bear in mind, these haven’t even happened yet) affect my everyday life. Its fucking exhausting. Excuse my language, but sometimes you just need to convey a feeling to its true extent…
I wanted this post to be a ‘what to do when it all gets too much’ post but tbh, I need your help with that… I have NO idea what to do. Aside from reading a good book or offloading to friends and family, I’m having a huge brain meltdown and I’m going between wanting to sleep all day and not being able to sit still!
Anyway guys, do let me know if you have any suggestions to help me to stay calm or any tips with regards to travelling when you have quite severe anxiety and homesickness!!
As always, thank you for reading and lots of love,